These days there is such a pressure to be happy and think positive. We constantly feel we should stop being unhappy about our unhappiness, stop being anxious, stop being sad, stop feeling confused or worried. And yet these are all facets of the complexity of being human; it is precisely because we feel this full range of emotions that we are who we are. Can we possibly be happy all the time, is that realistic, or interesting?

How about if we didn’t avoid these challenging feelings, if we didn’t try to stuff them down or hide them under temporary attempts at happiness, such as buying those new shoes or having a few drinks? If you are sad or anxious or worried for a while, will you die of it? No!

Sometimes it is okay to turn and focus on the not great feelings and work them through. Understand that your observation of the world and your place in it is not the world, it is just your interpretation, and the feelings you are going through are being triggered by your interpretations, by your thoughts. And here is some good news: you can change your thoughts. Sometimes you can feel sad or anxious, but when you accept that it is your choice to engage in these feelings for a while, then you begin to shift yourself into a different position. You are no longer a ship that is being tossed around on a stormy sea, or a victim of circumstances, you are a person with choices. And that is the first step to empowerment and taking control of your life. Begin to think in a way that serves you and doesn’t keep you stuck. If you can’t do it by yourself, then seek help from friends, family, or a therapist until you get the momentum going.

Dr Jules
If the subject matter in this article resonates with you, then counselling might be a good option to help you to move forward. I offer a free 20-minute consultation so we can explore how I might be able to help you.
This article was also posted at English Informer in France.

These are worrying times and health professionals around the world are seeing a rise in rates of depression and anxiety (Daily Telegraph). In addition to people’s general everyday problems, we are being bombarded with stories about Brexit, political instability in the world, threats of nuclear war, and catastrophic weather events, to name but a few. We are increasingly isolated and feeling our sense of social support comes from online sources such as Facebook, the world where everyone else is having a great time.

When we start to feel overwhelmed with stress, there are ways we can begin to regulate our emotions, usually by choosing to tone down negative emotions such as worry. The key word here is ‘choose’. We can choose how we direct our focus and our energy, and that in turn will change how we feel.

Most of us already have tactics to help us feel better. We might go to the gym, meditate, put on music or mindless TV, or we might listen to podcasts and audio books while we go about our day. Here are some tips that you can add to your toolkit to help you reduce your worry load:

• Limit your access to social media from time to time. It’s great to be in touch with everyone, but sites such as Facebook have also become a place where people express opinions and say hurtful things, or post items others find distressing. At times the constant newsfeed can contribute to you feeling like you are on overload. It is not always, therefore, a helpful distraction, or a positive substitute for real human interaction. So, plan to take some apps off your smartphone and make your access harder, then you can tune in for limited periods just to be in touch with people that matter, without being distracted by the ‘noise’.
• Focus on your breathing. Take a moment to be aware of the air passing in and out of your body, keeping your mouth and eyes closed, and keep your mind focused on that sensation for five minutes if you can. Be aware of the sensation of the air on your nose and how the temperature changes as it enters your nostrils and passes down into your airways, then how it feels when you breathe it out. You can count when you breathe in and out if that helps you to tame your busy brain and stay focused on your breath.
• Do not ruminate. When I see anxious clients, they usually have a subject they are focusing on exclusively, often an area of their life where they feel out of control, and it causes their mind to race. An old trick to remind yourself when you are falling into this pattern is to put an elastic band on your wrist, and each time you find your mind going back to this unhelpful place, ping the elastic band on your wrist to give yourself a little ‘snap out of it’ reminder. Then ask yourself what is one thing, however small, that you can do to begin to take control of the situation? If it is a natural disaster, can you make a donation? If you are worried about how Brexit is affecting your life, can you sign a petition or write to your MP? Can you start to make a list of pros and cons for a potential decision, or talk to someone in the same boat as you? You might not be solving the problem entirely, but do something proactive and feel better about the fact that you turned worry into action.
• Don’t let your thoughts stay trapped in your head, where they seem to form a kind of seething soup of worry. Find ways to get them out. Writing them down often helps, as does saying them out loud when you are alone. Just reading or hearing them can help you start to make sense of them.
• Get out there and talk to people. Contact friends and tell them you need to catch up, go to a public event where you have people around you, volunteer to go and walk the dogs at the rescue center or help at a local foodbank, join a class or a group, or start one yourself. There are often plenty of people like yourself who might jump at the chance of a get fit or weight loss support group, or a regular book club to help get through the long winter evenings. So, if you don’t see what you want out there, then start it. In short, being around other people is good for mental health, while isolation is bad. And the old adage that a problem shared is a problem halved still holds true, so don’t keep your worries to yourself.
• If you find your worries and anxiety are starting to make you feel unwell or unable to cope, then go see your GP and consider seeing a counsellor. It isn’t always possible to do it by yourself, and even health professionals and therapists need some extra support now and then.
  

Dr Jules

If the subject matter in this article resonates with you, then counselling might be a good option to help you to move forward. I offer a free 20-minute consultation so we can explore how I might be able to help you.