Coming Out

This Dr Jules column appeared at: http://www.englishinformerinfrance.com/full-article/Coming-Out-I-am-so-confused

Dear Dr Jules

I know that I am gay. I am 24 and never had any feelings towards the opposite sex. I live at home with my Catholic parents and so no before you say tell them, I can't. I haven't enough money to move out. I work as a temp secretary, which is also a problem as someone there, my gender, seems to like me. I am so confused just don't know where to turn any more

Hi there,

You must feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place right now, and I can only imagine how difficult this feels. Coming out is a long series of stages, and there is no right order or right timing to any of it. Many people who I have spoken to in the LGBTQ community over the years feel that they are always coming out, as there are constantly new situations where they have to consider whether or not to reveal their sexuality, such is the nature of our heterosexist society.

It sounds like you are working through the stage of coming out to yourself and figuring out your sexuality. It might be helpful for you to know that human sexuality is a lot more fluid and complex than either being gay or straight, and it is often easier to figure these things out when we have understanding people to talk to. You don’t say whether or not you live near a larger city, a university campus or some place that might have LGBTQ support? It might well be helpful for you to research what’s available on-line and consider reaching out to talk to someone who understands. In the meantime I would say it is important not to feel isolated and I am wondering if there is someone you trust to talk to, maybe a friend? You certainly should not rush to discuss it with your parents if that doesn't feel safe, but please don’t feel like you have to figure it all out by yourself.

Dr Jules

Working through the steps of coming out is a process that can be complex and fraught with anxieties and risks. Counselling can be helpful in providing support and a non-judgemental space to explore your options. 

For more in-depth help and counselling, consider contacting Dr Jules in person