Dr Jules - Counselling & Psychotherapy
  • Home
  • About Julie
  • About Counselling
  • Couples Therapy
  • Practicalities
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
  • Contact

Stuck in a Rut

4/26/2016

0 Comments

 
On this week's English Informer in France article I hear from a 37 year old man who is struggling to move forward with his life, and feeling stuck living with his parents. Find the original article here: http://www.englishinformerinfrance.com/full-article/Stuck-in-a-rut

Dear Dr Jules

I am a 37 year old man who lives in France with my 2 parents. In the UK I was a chef and thought in France I would find a job easily. I can speak medium French.

I have had a few short season jobs here, but not much. I am fed up with smoking, drinking and just following my parents around. Truth is I am not sure I have the confidence to go back to the UK and have no relatives to go to. I feel stuck in a rut

Hi there,

Reading your letter it sounds like you are feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I can sense your frustration. I am guessing you have a close relationship with your parents if you moved here to be near them? It certainly sounds as though you came to France to find the family you say you don’t have in the UK. However, at 37 you are a long way past the stage of a young adult who is living at home until they get on their feet, and so it is time to launch and leave the nest again to make your own life.

So what do we envisage the average 37 year old man would be doing? Off the top of my head I would say working, seeing friends, dating and finding a partner to make a life with, taking part in hobbies or leisure pursuits, etc. On the plus side you do have a reasonable grasp of the French language, so you could strongly consider making a life in France that would allow you to still see your parents regularly, while building your own independent life. You could also do the same back in the UK where employment might be easier to find, but you are the only person who can decide how important it is to retain that close link with your parents.

Once you have decided which country you want to make your life in, then it’s time to take a deep breath and move forward. Write down some columns with headings such as I suggested (work, etc.) and then list what you need to do to start making progress with each one. With work for example, do you need to step outside of your current skill set and consider what else you can do? Have you visited your local employment office with a current CV and registered for work? Are you willing to travel outside of your local area to find work? Break each column down into steps you can take and then start filling up your calendar with things to do each day to move forward. If you are feeling like your self-esteem has taken a dent then visualize yourself doing well in your future life and focus on your strengths that will take you there.

Ultimately it is time to leave the nest and stop following your parents around, and your frustration stems from that feeling you have deep down that you need to do something about it. So decide which country pulls your heart and then take the first step. I’m sure you have the ability to do it!

Dr Jules

If you are feeling stuck with your life and can’t see a way forward, then counselling can be helpful in providing support and a non-judgmental space to explore your options. For more in-depth help and counselling, consider contacting Dr Jules in person  
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Anger
    Anxiety
    Betrayal
    CBT
    Child Abuse
    Children
    Couples
    Couples Therapy
    Depression
    Divorce
    Domestic Violence
    Dreams
    Eating Disorders
    Expat Issues
    Grief
    Happiness
    Hope
    Isolation
    Mental Health
    New Years Resolutions
    OCD
    Phobias
    Positive Thinking
    Resilience
    Self Esteem
    Sex
    Shyness
    Sleep
    Stress
    Suicide
    Worry

    Archives

    July 2020
    June 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Julie
  • About Counselling
  • Couples Therapy
  • Practicalities
  • Testimonials
  • Blog
  • Contact